//48

[snowburned]

After reading a little, it looks like I'm not the only one who had a strange dream last night. I remember this from before... Well, if I end up dreaming someone else's dream that's embarrassing for them, I promise in advance to pretend I didn't.

Last night, though, Kiba--I think I had your dream.

No, I'm certain I did.

Comments

[snowburned.livejournal.com]

Are you feeling okay? You destroyed a bed because it was evil? Kiba...

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

Look, you were dying, and I woke up and that fucking clown was staring at me!

So shut up!

[snowburned.livejournal.com]

Oh.

[She can't help but shrink a little at that. It's not her fault, she knows--she didn't choose to have the dream or share it with others. But worrying the people she loved is always last on her list of things to do.]

It wasn't so bad. I didn't die. You saved me, Toushi saved me--if anything, I should just be upset that it seems like I never managed to save myself. But I'm here. It's all right.

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

[Now he feels guilty, and pats her awkwardly on the shoulder.]

You don't know that you never save yourself. You only got to see a little bit of your life in that dream.

[Clears his throat]

Anyway, yeah--least it wasn't all bad. You found your sword and stuff.

[snowburned.livejournal.com]

I suppose that's true.

Yeah...I did. She glanced fondly at the sword, where it lay in its sheath, carefully placed upon one of the beds they'd arranged in a circle around the self-made boundaries of the temporary clinic.] That much I'm glad for.

You saw the beginning, too, didn't you? When I...left that baby. You see why it shook me so much?

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

[He shook his head]

Nah, that wasn't you. I told you, dumbass--you wouldn't just leave a baby.

[snowburned.livejournal.com]

[And now she was getting annoyed. It was one thing to express his belief in her character--and she appreciated it--but another thing entirely to deny what they'd both seen.]

Don't patronize me, Kiba. I saw it, you saw it. Maybe there was some explanation--maybe it was, I don't know, a metaphor for something--but I still did it. I can't pretend I didn't dream it when I did.

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

[He frowns right back]

I'm not lying. She didn't look like you--well she did look like you--but it wasn't you.

[snowburned.livejournal.com]

Are you out of your skull? Unless someone stole my face--which would be gross and probably much more noticeable--it was me.

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

You're the one out of your skull if you can't even fucking recognize yourself! She didn't move like you, and she was all--

[He broke off frustrated, before scowling down at her]

It wasn't you! I know it wasn't.

[snowburned.livejournal.com]

It's not like I'm used to watching myself from outside my own body! I don't think most people are!

What do you mean, didn't--didn't move like me?

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

[She had a good point, but damned if he would admit it.]

She just--when she pushed her hair out of her face, it was different from when you do it. And you have a heavier step and a longer stride. It took me a long time to figure out why she didn't seem right to me. But I'm pretty sure that's it.

[Shrugs, as though he hadn't just made himself sound like a stalker.]

So yeah.

[snowburned.livejournal.com]

That...

[...made more sense than she would have expected. Still, it left her with even more questions than before.]

If this person-who-looked-like-me wasn't me, then where was I? Why would I dream about that?

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

Well, she did look a lot like you. Maybe it was your mom.

[He frowned.]

Which is still fucked up, in a whole other way.

[snowburned.livejournal.com]

[Her mother? Well, everyone had a mother, it wasn't that strange a concept. Then why did it feel so wrong?]

Wait. You're saying--you think I was the baby?

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

Makes sense if your dream starts at the beginning, don't it?

[snowburned.livejournal.com]

That's...that does make sense. I don't know if I believe it, but I was a child in the next part...

[And then something else occurred to her, something horrifying enough that she felt her legs weaken and quickly found a seat on the nearest bed.

No. No, it couldn't be...could it?]

Oh my god.

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

[Kiba jumps forward to grab her arm, alarmed at her sudden drop.]

What? What happened?

[snowburned.livejournal.com]

Hakuteiken said we're married because he remembered his wedding. He saw it in a wedding crystal.

[The words are coming out a little dazed. Instead of freaking out, she feels a little like shutting down.]

He remembered my face. But if there's someone out there who looks like me...maybe he didn't.

1/?

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

[Processing...]

So he might not be married to you?

[That should make him happy, right? Except...]

2/3

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

HOLY FUCK--YOU THINK HE'S YOUR DAD?

[Kiba--No tact. No discretion. No clue.]

[snowburned.livejournal.com]

SHUT UP! I DON'T KNOW! Oh, god...

[She wanted to throw up. She felt like she would, any second now.]

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

SHIT. HOLY SHIT.

[He finally noticed she's looking a little green, and tried to calm down for her sake.]

Hey, uh...you want a bucket or something?

[He didn't need to throw up, but he could use a drink or 5.]

[snowburned.livejournal.com]

No.

[She speaks quietly at first, but then with more certainty.]

No. I want a memory crystal. And if that doesn't tell me what I need to know, I need another one. Whatever it takes. I have to know this for sure, for myself.

[starstruckstray.livejournal.com]

[He finally calms at the serious, resolute note in her voice.]

Well...you can find them down here sometimes. In the Wilderness, I mean. We can ask around when you get off work.

[He leans into her, bumping her shoulder with his.]

All right?

[snowburned.livejournal.com]

[She leans her head over to rest on his shoulder. It's a small comfort, at least.]

Not really. But I'll cope.